3 Reasons Why Balance in Parenting Doesn’t Work, And Why You Should Focus on Harmony Instead.
I hear so many "gurus" telling moms that they need to achieve balance in order to feel less stressed and overwhelmed. I've tried so many times to find that balance as a wife, mom of two, teacher, and business owner. I'm here to tell you (and hopefully save you some headache) that it doesn't work. There is no way to achieve balance as a busy mom with a list of roles and responsibilities.
Let me explain why...
The definition of balance is "an even distribution of weight enabling someone or something to remain upright and steady." There's no way you can equally be completely present with your toddler, completely in tune with your own needs, able to manage household tasks, work responsibilities, and have a social life. It just doesn't work that way. You'll be left feeling guilty, drained, and resentful.
Why Balance Doesn't Work:
1. Unpredictable Schedules: Toddlers are famously unpredictable. One day they nap for two hours, the next day, they refuse to nap at all. Trying to maintain a balanced schedule in the face of such variability is an exercise in futility.
2. High Expectations: The concept of balance sets an unrealistic standard. It implies that you can give equal attention and energy to every aspect of your life, all the time. This expectation is not only unachievable but also unfair to you as a parent.
3. Guilt and Stress: When you inevitably fall short of maintaining balance, it can lead to feelings of guilt and inadequacy. This additional stress can affect your well-being and your ability to be present and joyful with your child.
We have to stop allowing society and social media make us feel like if we aren't balancing it all in high heels, we're not good enough. I urge you to release the ridiculous expectations that have been placed on you and focus on achieving harmony.
Harmony is being able to form a pleasing and consistent whole. Focus on creating a schedule or a life system that is pleasing to you and that you have the capacity to maintain. Find a flow that works for you and your family. It acknowledges the dynamic and ever-changing nature of life with a toddler.
How to Cultivate Harmony in Your Life:
1. Flexible Routines: Routines provide predictability and they’re great for children, but it’s important to be flexible enough to adapt to your toddler's needs. For example, have a general bedtime routine but be prepared to adjust the timing based on how the day goes.
2. Prioritize Self-Care: Taking care of yourself is not a luxury—it's a necessity. Find small pockets of time, I call them mini breaks, throughout the day for activities that recharge you.
3. Simplify and Delegate: Simplify your to-do list. Before the week starts, create a list of things that need to be done during the week and limit each day’s to do list to no more than 3 tasks. Also, delegate tasks whenever possible.
4. Mindful Presence: Focus on being present in the moment rather than worrying about the next task. When you’re with your toddler, immerse yourself in play and connection. When you’re working or taking time for yourself, give those activities your full attention.
5. Celebrate Small Wins: Acknowledge and celebrate the small wins, whether it’s a successful nap time or a few minutes of quiet for yourself. These moments of harmony add up and contribute to a more fulfilling parenting experience.
Attempting to achieve balance can leave you feeling like you're constantly falling short. Instead, aim for harmony—creating a flow and flexible approach that honors the dynamic nature of parenting a toddler. When you embrace harmony, you can reduce stress, enjoy the journey more, and create a nurturing environment for both you and your toddler.
