How to Use Authority and Grace to Guide your Toddler
As a mom, it’s natural to face moments when you feel unsure about how to handle your toddler’s behavior. They experience many moments of big emotions, and their natural desire for control can sometimes make parenting feel like a struggle. However, as Christian moms, we have a God-given authority to guide, protect, and raise our children with love, discipline, and grace. Part of making the shift from reactive parenting to Grace based-parenting is accepting that you cannot control your child, but you do have God’s authority to raise them according to His will and be a living example of his love and grace. Below, I’m going to share three ways to exercise that authority in a way that strengthens your relationship with your toddler and nurtures their growth.
1. Be Consistent in Your Authority
One of the primary causes of resistance from toddlers is their desire for control. This stage of development is all about exploring independence, which can make setting boundaries challenging. However, being consistent in your authority is key to helping your toddler understand that you’re not just someone who reacts to their behavior but someone who lovingly guides them toward what’s best. When you consistently set boundaries and offer acceptable alternatives to unwanted behaviors, your toddler learns that boundaries aren’t there to limit their freedom but to keep them safe and support their learning. By maintaining consistency, you are showing them that part of your role as a parent is to help them learn the skills and behaviors they need for success in life.
For example, if your child is throwing toys, consistently stepping in and offering an alternative like throwing a soft ball outside helps them understand that the behavior isn’t being stopped just because you say so, but because there’s a better way to express that energy. Over time, this consistency teaches them that your authority as a parent is there to guide them toward healthy and appropriate actions.
2. Don’t Just Discipline—Instruct
Children communicate through their behavior, and as a parent, it’s essential to understand that you’re not just responding to what they do but to the belief or feeling that drives it. Discipline in the form of setting boundaries and consequences can stop unwanted behavior in the moment, but it’s the instruction that creates lasting change. After a challenging moment, when emotions have settled, take a few minutes to have a quick conversation with your child. This allows you to help them understand why their behavior was unacceptable and how they can take accountability for it. It’s also an opportunity to introduce a more acceptable replacement behavior or to teach a new skill. When you instruct your child rather than simply disciplining, you’re addressing the root cause of the behavior and helping them grow emotionally and behaviorally.
For example, if your toddler grabs toys from a friend during playtime, simply telling them not to grab might stop the behavior in the moment. But taking time to explain why sharing is important, introducing phrases like “Can I have a turn?” and encouraging them to practice this new skill helps them learn to navigate social interactions in a healthier way. Instruction turns discipline into a teaching moment that helps your child grow into the person God created them to be.
3. Choose to Display Grace and Compassion
Parenting toddlers often brings out big emotions—not just in them but in us too. It’s easy to react when you’re tired, frustrated, or overwhelmed, but one of the most powerful ways to exercise your God-given authority is by choosing to display grace and compassion, even in the toughest moments. No matter how many mistakes we make, God’s grace is always available to us—even in the midst of consequences. As parents, we are living examples of God’s love for our children, and choosing to be as gracious and compassionate as He is teaches them about His goodness. Your child needs to experience your love most when they’re struggling. Grace doesn’t mean avoiding consequences; it means approaching discipline with understanding and empathy.
For instance, when your toddler has a meltdown, reacting out of frustration might escalate the situation. Instead, pausing to offer a comforting hug and calmly explaining what went wrong can help them process their emotions more effectively. This not only helps them feel safe but also shows them that, just like God, you are there for them even when things get messy.
As you exercise your authority as a parent, remember that God has entrusted you with the sacred role of guiding your child toward a life of love, respect, and faith. By being consistent, instructing rather than just disciplining, and choosing to display grace and compassion, you’re not only shaping their behavior—you’re shaping their heart. Parenting is a journey, but with God’s guidance and grace, you have everything you need to lead your child in love and help them grow into the person they’re meant to be. Keep trusting in His plan for you and your family as you walk this path together.
